Or rather, finding my old leaf or turning the same leaf back over.
Whatever cliched metaphor works in this case.
It’s no secret that I’ve been more grumpy. surly, anti-social, generally hostile etc for the past few years, more than usual at any rate.
I simply have not been my self.
I’ve noticed it, I’m pretty sure my friends have as well.
I had a plan. It got derailed. More on that plan further down.
A variety of events and situations, some which were unavoidable such as, getting married to a foreign national and having to deal with all the governmental bullshit & stress that entails, as well as being sole means of support for my inlaws who, thanks to our wonderful war and the complete fucktardery of our government as far as sorting out the massive mess they’ve made and are responsible for goes, have pretty much been refugee’s for the past 4 fucking years.
There where other clearly avoidable things as well that I could have and should have, well, uh…avoided, such as - wasting a year and half of my life working at that toxic snake pit of infighting, office politics and general nepotistic fuck-waddery known as the Puyallup Indian Tribe in Tacoma, for a back stabbing shit-bag who did nothing but blow smoke up my ass the entire time, with the added bonus of getting fucked over and having the same cocksucker lie at a court hearing, again to cover his own ass.
From pedacure boy’s own mouth “I wouldn’t have the position I have if it wasn’t for you”. yeah…you’re welcome, cunt.
(There is obviously a lot more to the whole tribe/backstabbing fuck thing, and at some point I may put the whole “saga” out there, but not right now - that’s not the focus of this post.)
Add to this my wife, then new to the country, who was absolutely fucking miserable the year and half we wasted there.
inhale….exhale k…this is supposed to be the post where I swear off getting pissed and ranting about shit that’s either dead and done or I can’t do anything about sooo I’m calm now. see? calm.
In short, since I got home in Jan of 06, I have had a steady diet of non stop stress - to the point where, mid 2007, I actually had to start taking high blood pressure medication, something I’d never had to worry about before. I’m still on the shit.
2008, was alot better though it started out rough.
Wife, is happy so there’s I got that going. She absolutely loves this place we’re in and the fact that we’re near to family & friends. Hell, she’s even got a decent job.
Had rough start that included getting hired by Amazon, they gave me a start date only to call back later that evening (after business hours if i recall correctly) and abruptly rescind the offer with no explanation. I mean they flat would not tell me - It didn’t take a detective to figure out it was the lying ass-fuck pedicure aficionado in Tacoma referenced above, who I had foolishly left as a reference who intentionally soured that deal. A lot of thing fell into place then. Early on, I had been wondering why I had not been getting any return contact or callbacks for various positions. This confirmed what I’d suspected and in the weeks following the removal of said ass-fuck as a reference I started getting better responses.
Eventually I scored a contract desk-side support position at Bechtel (props to Derek & John for the heads up), which while a downgrade from my usual work was definately just what the doctor ordered. Apart from Fluor, The Vit project one of the best places I’ve worked and really a much needed respite.
Anyway, about The Plan
The Plan came about before I finished up in Iraq. The seeds took root during a particularly nasty period as far bombings, mortar & rocket attacks go, and kind of lingered in the back of my mind germinating.
I got it in my head that maybe life is too short to get and stay wound up about shit you can’t change, and when I finished up there, it wouldn’t be a bad thing to focus on producing absurd, goofy shit that, in the big scheme of things, doesn’t matter was the way to go. Life is too short and as far as the big picture shit went there was dick i could do about any of it, so I may as well just try and make myself (and by extension those around me) happy, amused, etc.
I’d planned on getting back into drawing cartoons, maybe resurrecting a few past projects (I still have a rejection letter from Mad Magazine from some 15 years ago that was just awesome -with hand written notes & comments. I framed it) , try my hand at sculpting & casting custom Toys & war gaming terrain & gaming miniatures, take a stab at Painting (on canvas - actual art), a bit of writing, etc etc etc.
I haven’t done shit to move forward with any of this.
Yeah I can blame the bullshit & stress, but the fact is, I have only been compounding it by acting the way I have been.
All the negativity and anger I’ve been exuding is doing is feeding itself.
I bought into the whole “It’s a venting thing, you gotta blow off steam”, which may work for some people.
It clearly doesn’t work for me.
Now, I’m not saying I won’t ever ever ever go off like a mad frothing dog when my buttons get pushed (God help me for my own sanity I hope that pants fucker guy stays under his rock) but If that does happen, I’ll at least try to make it funny.
So in the spirit of this, I’m wiping all the old posts, hitting the reset button on the site and moving forward.
into 2009, hopefully with a better attitude.
